After The End
by TempusFugitx
Summary: It's been a week since Arthur's death and Merlin is wrought with grief and guilt. But a meeting with Gwen helps him to begin believing in himself again. It is the start of a new adventure!
1. A New Beginning

The bed sheets had made a permanent imprint on Merlin's body. He'd been lying in his bed for over a week since he had returned from the lake where Arthur died. He felt as though all of his purpose and all of his drive died along with his king. His friend. Merlin clenched his fists, gathering sheets into his palm, trying to fight off his grief. It was a crushing feeling, like there was an impossible weight on his chest. Every breath was difficult. It took so much effort to hold his emotions in; his whole body shook. When he could hold it in no more a sob wracked through his body and Merlin was gone again.

His mind went to that fateful day. "_I want to tell you something I've never told you before._" Merlin had thought Arthur was going to say goodbye but the warlock couldn't lose his friend. He'd fought too long and lost so much to lose the king now. But Arthur had something else in his mind. He had said, "_Thank you._"

His voice still rang out in Merlin's head as if it was only yesterday. As if Arthur was there with Merlin at that very moment.

There was a light knock on the door and Merlin furiously wiped at his tears to see who it was.

Gaius' head peeked through the crack between the door and its frame and he gave a slight smile. Merlin tried to return it but he couldn't so much as draw his lips into a thin line. He couldn't ever remember being happy. Gaius was always there for Merlin and the warlock felt a pang of guilt when he thought of how much Gaius too had loved Arthur. Their relationship began well before Merlin had ever come to Camelot.

"Merlin, you must get up and get out of here. You must give the world a chance."

_But it's my fault, Gaius_, Merlin wanted to say, He wanted to yell it, _It's my fault!_

The physician leaned forward and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Many were lost, my boy. We must all be strong for one another. Guinevere needs you now, too."

Merlin ran his hands over his bedraggled face. "What's the point?"

"What's the point?!" Gaius grabbed Merlin's hands and shook his wrists. "Arthur may be gone, Merlin, but Camelot still stands. It stands because of you. You killed Morgana, you brought peace, but we have not yet healed." The physician's voice held such conviction that something inside Merlin stirred. "Have you forgotten who you are?"

"No," Merlin's voice was barely a whisper; Gaius drew his breath in disgust, Merlin moved to sit up and said, brows knitting together, "I am Merlin, Emrys, Son of Balinor, Son of the Earth, and Dragon Lord. I have not forgotten who I am."

Gaius smiled. "I knew you were still in there." Patting his knees lightly, Gaius stood. "Get yourself cleaned up. There is someone who needs your support. I am sure the Merlin side of you is more than capable of that. He always has been."

Merlin followed Gaius through the halls of the castle. He knew he was just going to see Gwen but he was afraid. After all he had been through he was afraid to look at her. In her he would see Arthur and he wouldn't be able to control himself. He wouldn't be able to be strong for her.

He looked around him as he moved through the halls. People stopped to acknowledge him as he passed. It was too strange having all the attention and Merlin didn't feel he deserved the positive recognition. He just wanted someone to yell at him. Someone to blame him for Arthur's death just as Merlin blamed himself.

The people seemed to move about the way the always used to. Life seemed to blend together in a discordant soup of noise. It was as if nothing had changed—except that everyone was dressed in black. Merlin looked down at his own clothes and was appalled. He hadn't thought about what he was doing when he dressed after Gaius had come for him. Merlin had grabbed his usual red tunic and brown pants. He was about to call to Gaius to tell him he needed to change but when he looked up he saw they were outside the royal chambers.

He knees felt weak. The last time he was on the other side of those doors he was telling Arthur that he couldn't go to battle with him. Then Arthur had said that he was wrong in thinking that Merlin was the bravest man he'd ever known. That he was a coward.

The memory put some ice into Merlin's bones. He forgot his colourful clothes and brushed past Gaius pushing on the door to enter the Queen's chambers.

A ruffle of black was the first thing Merlin saw, and then when he looked up he saw Gwen. Despite what he thought would happen, Merlin was overcome with a feeling of relief when he saw his old friend standing before him. Though she looked tired, she still looked like the Guinevere he had always known and like the Queen she was always meant to be. Around her neck she wore Arthur's ring. It gleamed against her olive skin and black dress.

"Merlin!" Status forgotten she rushed over to her friend and they embraced. Merlin felt hot tears seep through his shirt and onto his shoulder. He kicked himself for being so selfish and not coming earlier.

She drew him back at an arm's length and gave him a shaky smile.

Then Merlin remembered his clothes, "My lady, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking when I was getting dressed-"

"Don't worry, Merlin. We are old friends. I am not your lady. I am just Guinevere to you. I am sure no one can rule over you. And besides, I am glad you wore your normal clothes. It feels... right."

Gwen's words echoed in his head: "_I am sure no one can rule over you_."

"You know then, that I have magic?"

She nodded and shifted her gaze to the window. "Gaius told me when he returned from meeting with you and Arthur." She choked out her husband's name. "You are a warlock." Her eyes moved back to Merlin.

Something in Merlin opened up. "You know, I'm supposed to be the 'greatest warlock to have ever lived.'" He said it like the mere idea was something utterly ridiculous. "Fat 'lot of good I did when it really came down to it."

"You can't say that, Merlin. I saw you up there-"

Anger surged through him and his words came out as if they were a waterfall, "I _can_ say that, Gwen! Morgana may be dead but she still won. Mordred succeeded and killed Arthur. There was nothing I could do about his wound. I wasn't there to help him. It's my fault he's dead."

"No, Merlin, no." Gwen stepped forwards and took Merlin's hands and placed them on his own heart. "You are a good man filled with more good than any other man on this earth. That is what makes you great. Morgana failed because all she felt was greed and hate. You felt love and because of it Camelot is saved. What happened to Arthur was not your fault."

Merlin's anger was gone. "But it was my destiny to protect him."

Gwen squeezed Merlin's hands tighter. Tears streamed down her cheeks again. "You did protect him. Until the very end."

Merlin sighed. Gwen always spoke wise words, words that always sounded like she had rehearsed them one hundred times before she spoke them in truth.

"I've always admired you, Gwen. You have this never-ending life in you that you pass on to every person you encounter. I think Arthur saw that too."

She smiled at Merlin again before she hugged him, lightly this time; her version of a thank you.

"Will you stand by my side as you stood beside Arthur?"

Merlin's heart fluttered with familiar purpose; he got down on one knee. In Gwen he saw Arthur. The sight didn't make him sad; it filled him with hope and intention. She would continue her husband's legacy. She would keep Camelot free and peaceful. There was no one Merlin believed in more than Guinevere Pendragon. "It would be my honour to serve you, my Queen."

Next Chapter:

"Nighted"

"Find Morgana"

"I have magic"


	2. Knighted

No more than a day later, Merlin stood behind Gwen at a meeting of the Round Table. She had told Merlin that she wanted to make him a knight insisting that his deeds should be rewarded. He had tried to make her change her mind. He had protested and tried to reason with her that he wanted anything but a reward. Gwen maintained her stance and in the end she was the Queen.

"I have asked all of you to be here for two important reasons." Gwen sat straight in her chair; her chin held high, her voice was great in impact yet kind. Any little sign that may have once given Gwen away as a former servant had vanished as it always did in the formal company of her people.

The knights stilled and listened to her as they had once listened to Arthur who had sat in the now empty seat beside Gwen.

"This is our first meeting since we left for the battle. I trust you have all recovered well or are on the mend?"

The knights nodded but no one spoke. The atmosphere was too thick with grief for anyone to comment on their own wellbeing. The king was gone, Gawain was gone, and so were many other brave knights who had fought that day. Also, many of the knights that sat before the Queen and before each other had gone. Many of the men were changed into beings they could no longer recognize. The war may have been victorious in some respects but in others it had taken a great deal more from the people than it seemed to the naked eye.

The Queen took a breath. "First, I must tell you all that I would like to make Merlin a knight. He has always been there for you, in more ways than you know. He protected our king until the very last moments. He shaped our victory for the battle at Camlan and goodness knows how many other times. He killed Morgana giving Camelot the peace we have long fought for." There were nods and rumbles of assent all around the table. The knights the king had held in his highest regard, and who had traveled with him and fought with him were all smiling at Merlin as if they had known all along that this day would come.

_No_. Merlin thought. _They cannot accept me._ Anger coursed through his veins again. _I am no knight. I should always be a servant. It was my destiny._

"Do they know?" Merlin leaned down to Gwen's ear and spoke through gritted teeth.

"I did not tell them. That is your secret, Merlin."

The warlock looked up at the round table and balled his hands into fists by his side to stop himself from shaking. "You should all know that I have magic." Merlin thought for a moment. It was strange to be telling all these people about his powers. He had worked for so long to keep it all a secret and now he was delivering the information freely. People had died to keep his secret so that he could fulfill his destiny. He had failed. He had nothing left to lose. "I am a dragon lord and a warlock. I have powers that even surprise me at times."

There was more murmuring around the table; he couldn't tell if it was good or bad. "Despite all of my powers I couldn't save the one man I was supposed to protect. My entire purpose and being was to protect King Arthur and in the end I failed. You can't trust me or my powers. I am not a man. I am not worthy of being a knight."

Someone spoke up, "Did Arthur know?" it was Sir Percival. Arthur had knighted Percival himself; they had always been good friends.

Merlin closed his eyes. "Not until the very end."

"It all makes sense now." This time Sir Leon spoke up. "All those times we got away or found our way home with only a fraction of hope were because of _you_. You were always there." Leon fought with Arthur in the battle with the Great Dragon. The two knights were the only two who survived.

"Merlin has sacrificed much." Gwen spoke looking up at the warlock.

Despite how undeserving Merlin felt he was also humbled by the reactions he was receiving. He had spent so much of his time in Camelot afraid of who he was, afraid of how people would react if they found out. How Arthur would react. In the end they had all accepted him and it was only Merlin himself that needed to accept who he had become.

The knights and Guinevere all stood at once. They looked to Merlin and unsheathed their swords pointing the tips to the centre of the table. Sir Leon yelled out, "For Merlin!" The knights echoed back. "For Camelot!" The echo. "For the Queen!"

Quietly, Merlin chanted to himself, "For Arthur. For Arthur. For Arthur. I'm sorry."

They all sat back down and Merlin was the only one left standing. He stood in his guilt and his grief.

"Now, before we knight Merlin we must find Morgana's body. We must burn her for all of Camelot to see that we have rid the world of her evil. Merlin is the one who killed Morgana when he was with Arthur so he will lead us to the place and we will gather her remains. Whatever is left of her body." Gwen's voice was now filled with vehemence and disgust.

A tremor shot through Merlin's body, _Back to the site where I killed Morgana. Close to where Arthur had died._

"Will you do this for us, Merlin? Will you take us there?"

The fact that the Queen was asking was a sign that Gwen either respected Merlin now more than ever, or that she feared him.

Merlin's lips formed a tight line as he pressed them together. Tears were beginning to cloud his vision. He looked over everyone's heads to the other side of the hall. He felt his Adam's Apple rise and fall as he swallowed. This journey would cost him more grief than he had felt and he knew it. "I will, my lady."

For a man with all the power in the world he felt unbelievably powerless at that moment. As powerless as he had felt when the dragon had told Merlin that there was nothing the warlock could do. When there was nothing left for his magic to conquer.

The next day, just before first light, the Queen, Merlin, and the nights all gathered in the armoury to suit up.

Merlin held his sword as if it was the dullest knife he had ever held. As if it was an uninteresting piece of iron that could do nothing more than butter bread.

When Merlin had said his goodbyes to Gaius they had hugged. Merlin could feel the worry emanating out of the man he had grown to respect as a father.

"I'll be fine," Merlin had said. "I have magic to keep away the bad guys."

Gaius shook his head. "It's not the bandits I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of... that you will hurt yourself." Merlin was going to protest but the physician wouldn't let him. "I've been watching you, my boy, and I am worried for you. I know no matter how many times I tell you Arthur's death is not your fault will not change your mind. You are about just as hard headed as Arthur was."

Merlin had said nothing. His arms had gone limp; his gaze had shifted to the nearest window.

"I don't want to lose you too... You have to take care of me in my old age."

Gaius was the closest thing he had to family and by some miracle Gaius had not perished in the quest to protect the King. Merlin silently thanked the gods for sparing such a life.

Behind him now, someone cleared their throat.

Merlin turned and saw Gwen dressed in a simple dress that sat atop a layer of mail. She held out the familiar night's garb: mail, cape and all. The armoury was empty, the journey would soon begin.

"I had this made for you."

Merlin took the clothes. The outfit could not have been made in a single night. "How did you know I would agree to take you there?"

Gwen shook her head, "Why do you doubt yourself so greatly? I know you Merlin, now more than ever. I know that you would do anything to help the people you love. I told you and I will tell you again: your goodness is what makes you such a great man."

Merlin thanked the Queen and he dressed as the knight he never wanted to be. The mail and fabric felt like a costume, like a lie, like an unnecessary burden.

As sunlight broke through the doors of the armoury Merlin stepped out into the courtyard and his friends looked upon him with comradery and respect. It was nothing different but today every gaze seemed to hold so much more weight. Merlin choked in his breath and mounted his horse. He trotted beside the Queen and they led the procession out of Camelot with five nights behind them.


	3. Into the Dark

When they made camp that night Merlin went for a walk on his own. He had left his sword behind; he didn't need it. But he wore his mail as a sort of punishment. Having something he didn't deserve was enough to keep him standing.

Under his feet fallen branches and leaves echoed his footfall. He was not worried about being heard. He was worried about little other than the task ahead and the promise he had made to Gwen.

Merlin watched his feet kick up a disturbance as he walked. The branches snapped like bones and the damp earth released water under his weight like blood. The trees were rooted in place swaying with enough purpose to make Merlin wonder how closely related his life was to that of a tree. He had lived his life trying to be as much as everyone said he was. He had fought hard and lost many friends who were chopped down by evil. Just like the trees before him, Merlin too would eventually be chopped down. When his role in the world was over so would his life be complete.

Now, as Merlin walked through the trees he looked at them with earnest admiration. They never ran. They stood tall and brave and did their duty. Merlin would not run either. He turned back to the camp and sat himself down beside his friends who ate some stew by the fire.

Percival spoke through a mouthful of broth, "This grub isn't nearly as good as yours, Merlin, but it's damn near close. You had better watch out. This girl is going to replace you!"

The servant girl Merlin saw was just about his age when he had begun his service to the King. She smiled slightly but didn't look any of them in the eye.

When the fire died down and all stomachs were full and satisfied Sir Brennis looked up at Merlin and asked him a question his friends had been dying to ask since Merlin told them about about his powers. "What's it like to have magic?"

Merlin shrugged. "I'm not sure I'd know what it's like _not_ to have magic."

"Can you feel it? Inside of you, I mean."

"No, but I can feel it in others. I can feel it when someone uses powerful magic."

The knights seemed to take that in. They were beginning to realize that magic was a part of who Merlin was and it was the man that decided how his skills were used, not the other way around.

Gwen was with them, lying on her side, her head propped up on her elbow. She knew when to display her power and stature and when it was not needed. A skill she learned from Arthur.

"And this dragon thing: what is that about?"

That was a difficult question. "The title was passed down to me by my father and I can speak to all dragons, I can command them and befriend them." He shrugged again. "It's just one of my many charms." Merlin had said that line before.

The men chuckled and Gwen smiled. If it wasn't for the context of the conversation and the lack of Arthur's presence, Merlin would have thought this was just another journey, just another day protecting Camelot with his friends. But it wasn't and all together the party stopped smiling and drifted off to sleep pillowed by their grief.

The next day the group sets off again. The trek should take two and a half more days— give or take how steady the pace goes.

The path they were taking to the site of Morgana's death was the path Merlin took home a day after he had sent Arthur off on his boat. It was a sad, slow journey. Time didn't exist for Merlin then. If he had encountered any bandits he probably would have let them get him. When he had walked then everything around him had looked sad. As if the earth was mourning for the lost king too.

Now, as the group cantered through the forest, everything looked fresh, like it was born again to a new age. Merlin thought, and he supposed that this was a new age. That with Guinevere as Queen and Morgana dead, Camelot and the United Kingdoms would breathe in peace.

The group had been traveling since midday. Merlin rode beside Gwen again and the knights bantered contently behind them.

"That horse is going to buck you right off, Percival."

Percy held his head high, "My steed and I have a loyal relationship, Brennis The type of relationship that you have yet to experience with your horse." Percival's horse grunted as if in agreement and the other knights laughed. They nights always had a way of keeping themselves content. That comfort spread like butter over to Merlin.

When all has been dark for so long it can be dangerous to take nonchalant ease lightly. There is often darkness lurking around the corner waiting to seize those unsuspecting victims that fall into her path.

And perhaps it was asking for too much when Merlin found slight reprieve in his friends' banter. Arthur's death was Merlin's fault after all; why should the sorcerer be permitted reprieve when Arthur was not allowed the same privilege of life and happiness?

Sure enough the darkness spotted Merlin at his lightest and shooting him down.

From out of nowhere Merlin found a small arrow-like stick protruding out of his head. The only thing he heard as he fell off of his horse crashing into the ground was the sound of Gwen's voice calling his name.


	4. Bandits

When Merlin stirred from his poisoned sleep he saw only the sky. Around him he heard careful whispers and he smelled the eye-watering stench of bandits.

Slowly, Merlin moved to sit up. His hands were tied to two trees that flanked him to the left and to the right. Beside him, also attached to the trees and bound around the trunks, was the rest of his party.

They were all conscious and looking at Merlin. The look in their eyes was hard to decipher but Merlin knew that whatever it was they were thinking he could not fall back on his magic. He wanted his friends to continue to respect him. If he used _too much_ magic all at once, Merlin feared he might drive them away. He couldn't afford that.

The sorcerer channelled the moments he spent in danger with Arthur. He thought about all the times he didn't use his magic- when he did Arthur was usually unconscious…

"We 'ave the Queen! Lookie 'ere fellers! We 'ave the Queen!" One of the bandits was dancing around her, brushing his hands over her arms.

The party of bandits cried out in victory.

Merlin was the first one to protest (he wondered, for a moment, why the nights said nothing) and it caught the dancing bandit's attention. Slowly, the filthy man sauntered over to Merlin, a slow smile disturbing his dirty face. "Well, well, who would've thought the little knight is actually brave!"

The bandit squatted in front of Merlin and patted the warlock's cheek, "Sorry about the arrow, boy. It was meant for her." Merlin didn't need to look at where the Bandit was pointing to know that he was referring to Guievere.

"What quarrel do you have with us?" Gwen spat at him.

Another outlaw stepped forward and slapped her hard on the cheek.

Behind Merlin Percival struggled and bent forward to whisper into his ear, "Can't you do something, Merlin? Can you not use your magic?"

Merlin shivered. That look they had given him was one of expectancy. They _wanted_ Merlin to use his magic. They _wanted _to see.

"The war is over. We have no quarrel with you." Gwen was brave; she held her head high as she spoke, betraying no hint of fear.

"We don't care about no bloody war!" His crooked English was as jagged as a dragon's tooth. "We care about our lives. We is outlaws and we 'ave nothing wrong!"

"You must have done something or else why would Arthur have you banished?"

"It was not Arthur, it was Uther. He accused us of using magic when 'e 'ad no proof!" The bandit began to pace in front of them. "One of his men caught us practicing." He turned abruptly, "Don't you get no ideas. It was not magic. It was the art of alchemy and medicines.

"Jumping to his mad and severely clouded delusions, Uther was going to have us all executed." The bandit seemed to have suddenly forgotten his faulty accent and opted for a higher-class tone. "We are innocent."

Gwen struggled in her bonds, "Who are you?" She had obviously noticed the sudden change as well.

"I am an innocent man. We were all misjudged. Now, you, my Queen Guinevere will perish on this day for what Uther and his son did after him."

"And what exactly did they do other than threaten to kill you?" Percival demanded behind me.

The dancing bandit's face turned bright red, "What did they do?! They supressed magic. They hated all men with it. Even men who they _believed_ to have magic. We may not be men of magic but we certainly don't take this kind of percipience lightly!"

Percival started to speak but was quickly cut off by Gwen, "Percipience: that's a big word for—"

"That is not completely true." Guinevere began her rebuttal, "Arthur did not rule against magic as his father—"

"He did. He killed his fare share. They both despised the art and I should imagine, if the rumours are true about Arthur's death, he died because of magic. Mordred was in love with a druid and Arthur had her killed. You hate it too, Queen." He was looking at Guinevere dead in the eyes, all pacing forgotten.

"No."

"You are just like them! Ignorant and blind-" The bandit had been yelling with maximum effort but Merlin spoke under his breath causing his ropes to break free. Quickly he stood and he seemed become very very tall. The bandit was silent. He only stared. "How…"

Merlin spoke. To his friends, his voice was fuller, a voice that belonged to a man who should, without question, be respected. "You are wrong. Arthur did not _hate_ magic and nor does Gwen." He turned to her and smiled for a moment. When he turned back he saw the bandits were in position ready to jump him, force him to the ground. "Ignorance is all you live by. You know nothing of Arthur, of his past, of what he's been through. You know nothing of the nature of your Queen. How dare you threaten her and my friends on mere _assumption_—"

The bandits began their assent onto Merlin, but they had no idea who he was.

Merlin threw his hands forwards and an invisible walled force threw the bandits into the air and then onto their backs. The moist earth did not soften their fall. There were thick thuds all around.

"Never assume you know who is right or wrong because of a personal vendetta."

The once talkative bandit struggled to his feet finlly at a loss for words. "You… you have magic and you're with _her_. You're a knight…"

Merlin nodded and he took a step forward. "Leave now and never come back. If I see you again you'll regret the very day you assaulted the Queen." Merlin held his palm up to the sky and threatened a glowing ball of fire in his palm.

The bandits said nothing more. They picked themselves up and ran into the trees.

Merlin let the orb fade away. He remembered his friends behind him and he grew afraid again.

He turned to them but he decided not to make eye contact. He swiftly moved to the Queen, untied her, and then moved to the knights and Gwen's lady maid. Merlin could tell they were looking at him as he unknotted the ropes without his magic. But he wouldn't look back, he couldn't. If he looked at them it would confirm that he had lost them. He was not afraid that they hated him; he knew they didn't. He was afraid they were afraid of him just as he had been afraid of himself.

He walked forwards looking into the thicket with his heightened vision trying to find the horses. He scanned the trees and walked on ahead of the party—away from the party—searching though the woods. Sooner than should have been possible he spotted them but before he could set off to retrieve them he felt a hand on his arm stopping him from moving away.

He did not turn around.

"Merlin," It was Gwen, though that was no surprise, "look at me."

For a moment Merlin considered simply walking forward but he knew he couldn't avoid them forever. They would not forget. So, Merlin turned to Gwen.

She smiled at him first and then thanked him. "That must have been so hard for you."

Merlin shrugged.

"Thank you."

For one solemn moment everything was silent then _ spoke up, "And to think we always made fun of you for… well… everything. Look at us now!"

"You're the bravest of us all."

The words pierced through Merlin and he had to turn away from their gratified gazes to hide his own face. Someone had said that to him before. Then that person had died.

Using all of his effort he called behind him, "The horses are through here," and he walked on. No one questioned how he knew where their mounts were. Merlin had a feeling they already knew.

Moving forward was the only thing that seemed to keep Merlin sane. If he had to move back he thought he might crumble or fall so far that no one would ever be able to bring him back.


	5. A Dragon Lord's Despair

As they rode on Merlin began to notice it looked a lot later than he thought it should be. He thought it aught to be near nightfall but after a few hours of travelling nightfall didn't come. The sky stayed bright.

"How long was I unconscious?"

Beside him Gwen said, "All through the night."

Merlin's eyes widened. He had been asleep and missed nightfall and daybreak. Even lunch. "What happened?"

"Nothing really. We fought, but at the time we were grossly out numbered. So they managed to tie us up and bring us to their camp. I doubt they were even that dangerous. Our bonds were loose enough to struggle out of if we had to."

"I should have known…" His mind wandered back to all those times he was with Arthur and he hadn't been able to help him, all those times Merlin was injured and nearly died. "You could have escaped. Why didn't you escape?" Merlin was angry. But the more he thought about the situation the more he realized that he was cross not with his friends but with himself. He hated being so helpless and useless.

"Merlin," Gwen looked at him as if he was utterly stupid. He missed that look. "We could not have escaped and taken you with us. They would have noticed."

"You should have left me!" The sorcerer realized he was raising his voice to his Queen but he couldn't help it. He didn't deserve such friendship anymore.

"Oh, shut up." Gwen said it and she sounded just like Arthur when she did. All of the anger whooshed out of Merlin at once.

He slumped in his saddle and looked to his friend. "Thank you."

They had encountered a setback but it was to be expected: setbacks were common appearances. They rode through the trees at a steady pace for the rest of the day, set up camp at nightfall, and were moving again by daybreak.

Soon, with several more uninterrupted rest-stops the group was close to the site they were all looking for.

Merlin led the way through the trees. A part of him hoped to find nothing. Morgana was once his friend, once his ally. Yet here they were, Morgana was the enemy and Merlin had killed her.

The trees blended together with Merlin's memories which were his last memories with Arthur. It was all there. Every footfall he made as he carried Arthur. Every breath the pair took together. Every ounce of blood that left Morgana's body as well as Arthur's.

Merlin still had hope when he was here all those days ago; it felt like a century. In his mind he had believed he would heal his king and that their destinies would be fulfilled. He had no idea that all of his labours were for naught. He had done what he had never ceased to do: move forward—

Merlin nearly fell over Morgana's body. He failed to stifle a gasp when he saw Morgana's decaying body before him.

She looked ghostly. Her beauty was still unmistakable but she was as pale as snow. Her cheeks and eye sockets were sunken, her lips cracked blue and dry. All kinds of vermin and bugs gorged on her body though strangely they had all left her face. It was still untouched by nature. Her hair was spread around her head like a dark halo.

Gwen reached out for Merlin's hand and squeezed. Gwen was friends with the witch for a very long time before Morgana turned against Camelot, before Merlin had even arrived. He squeezed her hand back.

_I did _this. _I killed Lady Morgana. _Merlin thought to himself. _Yet it was still not enough._

They all looked upon her for a moment longer and then the nights moved to carry her into a makeshift wagon that was attached to one of the horses.

As soon as they touched her a terrifying screech seared through the air. The group stumbled back leaving dropping Morgana on the ground.

Looking to the sky, Merlin saw Morgana's off-white dragon Aithusa headed straight for them blowing short bursts of fire in warning.

The knights lifted their swords towards the dragon ready to kill. Gwen shrunk behind the men. The dragon was only protecting his mistress. He was faithful even in her death. Merlin could not let them kill it.

The warlock stepped forward, "Stand down." He turned and commanded the knights again with extra force, "Stand. Down."

They lowered their swords. Gwen's mouth was agape as if she was about to yell at him to get behind the knights but Merlin didn't take time to hear her.

Immediately he turned around began walking towards the dragon—which was descending rapidly—and over Morgana's body. He opened his mouth and bellowed the words of the Old Religion. The dragon slowed and landed at Merlin's feet with a whimper.

The dragon lord's vision was clouded with his tears. The look the dragon gave him was one filled with the deepest of grief and guilt. It was a look Merlin had seen on his own face. Merlin kneeled to meet the level of the deformed creature and held out his hand.

The Aithusa was tentative at first but slowly he put his head on Merlin's hand as if to rest. They held an understanding. They held a friendship that formed instantly through grief. Perhaps death does have a good side. However slight it may be.

Merlin stood and let the dragon sit beside Morgana's side. It wailed and wailed. The party behind them stood and looked on to Merlin with even greater respect. All of these things they had never known he could do, all of these secrets he had to keep must have taken their toll. Gwen stepped forward cautious of Merlin now. He was shaking, staring down at the dragon blankly.

"Merlin…"

He didn't look up.

She tried again stepping forwards. When she did he glared at her. Her steps faltered as she took in the hopelessness she saw in the sorcerer's eyes.

Merlin's voice came out in one giant enraged tumble. He couldn't stop himself. All of his frustration just spilled out over the dam he had spent so many years to build. His friends listened on helplessly. Sir Leon, Sir Percival, Sir Vidor, Sir Cardoc, and Sir Brennis. These were a handful of the knights that were left. He hardly knew some of them. He looked on to the Queen, "What good am I, Gwen? I have magic and yet it has brought us nothing. With my destiny I was supposed to ensure Arthur's success and that Camelot be blessed with peaceful times where magic can be accepted. Yet, all I managed to do was kill my best friend ridding Camelot of the best king it has ever had. It left you a widow and this dragon without a mistress.

"Maybe I should have stayed in Ealdor with my family and married a village girl. I would have been content for the rest of my days. Maybe I should have escaped with my beloved Freya, years ago. We would have found a cure for her curse, then settled down to live the life we spoke of all those times underground when I kept her safe from Uther's blind eyes.

"Perhaps if I'd never come to Camelot all those years ago I would never have found out about the destiny I was so encumbered by and I never would have failed. Instead, I stand here by myself, the weight of failure crushing against me until the end of my days. And I leave also with the knowledge that everything I had was not enough. All of this power I wield was not enough to do what everyone hoped I would do.

"The things I've lost, the times I've nearly died, the amount of people I have seen die so that I could fulfill my destiny is more than I can even count anymore. It was all for nothing."

Morgana's dragon had moved to Merlin's side now leaning against the warlock's leg as if to comfort him. This was certainly a friendship Merlin had ever anticipated. With that thought he let out a deranged and haggard laugh and his shoulders drooped so that he looked as though he could barely hold his own weight.

Merlin brought his hand to his head and clutched onto his short hair.

"I… I'm s-sorry, about that." He laughed again but it sounded more like a strangled sob. "I just- need to breathe for a moment."

He turned and stumbled away from his friends so that he could collapse against a tree unseen.


	6. Not The End- The Beginning

It was not like Merlin to wallow in his own troubles so he told himself that he was simply in shock from seeing Morgana's dead body and grieving dragon. He rested his head against the rough bark of the tree and sighed.

"Stop being such a dollop-head, Merlin."

That all too familiar phrase and raw familiar voice made Merlin look up in an instant to the source.

Gradually, in place of thin air, the smoky figure of King Arthur began to materialize before Merlin.

The last dragon lord could have sworn his heart stopped.

Instead Merlin looked up at his friend and mater, mouth agape.

"Dollop head." Arthur said simply.

Merlin stood slowly, worried that any sudden movement may cause Arthur to dissolve.

"Dollop. Head." Arthur said again, this time putting deliberate emphasis on each word.

"What is this?" Merlin kept his hands at his sides but his entire being just wanted to wrap his arms around his friend, his friend that was supposed to be dead.

"You baffle me, Merlin. I thought you would understand this out of all people."

Merlin just shrugged.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "I am a ghost Merlin. I have come to tell my friend to stop being such a dollop head."

"So you are d— you're not alive?"

"Well it is quite complicated. I am not alive in this world, but when you sent me off in that boat I was sent to the Otherworld. Avalon. That is there that I will live until destiny calls on me to be reborn once again. 'The once and future king,' and all that nonsense."

Merlin's mind was bombarded with a million questions all at once. He paused and chose carefully, "So you know now? I mean about who you are…"

Arthur nodded pulling a small half-grin, "In Avalon there are these beautiful women who look after me – although they hold nothing on Guenivere—but they told me everything. They helped me understand things that no mortal man could know. Not even you."

"So, they told you I am a dollop head?"

"No that is my accusation."

"You can't use my own word against me."

"Merlin, you can not tell me what to do."

"It never stopped me before."

Arthur's grin inflated into a full eye-to-eye smile.

"Why, pray tell, am I a dollop head?"

"Because," Arthur placed his misty hand on Merlin's shoulder. To the sorcerer's surprise, it didn't go right through him. He could feel the pressure of the king's touch. "You are blaming yourself and you think its all your fault. You feel you failed the prophecy and that you failed me."

Everything Arthur said was true but each word was like a dagger in Merlin's side.

"Dollop head." Arthur said it this time like a sneeze. "None of this is true. You did not fail the prophecy nor I, and my death is _not_ your fault."

"But Mordred-"

"Mordred could not be stopped. His wrath was my doing. You protected me to the very end."

"No, Arthur I didn't. With all of my powers I couldn't save you. I couldn't protect you form Mordred. I couldn't raise you up above you ancestors and make you the greatest king Camelot has ever known for very long."

Arthur slapped Merlin hard in the cheek like old times. "You really are hopeless, Merlin! My death by Mordred's hand has been written for centuries and you should know better than anyone that fate cannot be challenged or averted."

"But what about-"

"Merlin, shut up."

Arthur's words spurred something inside of Merlin. Something he hadn't felt since Arthur had died. It was more than feeling he had before, much greater.

"You just said that you _did_ make me the greatest king Camelot has ever known. By that definition our destinies have been fulfilled. You helped me to create the kingdom that you now live in. It is thanks to you that Guinevere is now ruling in such a place. You made me the greatest king— as much as it pains me to admit it." Arthur's smirk was back.

Now the king placed both hands on each of Merlin's shoulders as if they were brothers, "You did it Merlin. I lived a life better than I could have hoped for. I was surrounded by people who I love and trust and who loved and trusted me back. Men who would die for me. You protected me, saved my life countless of times… _apparently_… and you were the one who helped me to pluck the nerve to make Gwen my Queen." Arthur lifted his hands and looked at Merlin with his head cocked to the side, "I don't know how you did it all."

Merlin laughed, "Neither do I."

And suddenly that thing inside of Merlin bloomed and his heart started pumping again, his blood flowed, he was alive and he was happy.

"You're still a dollop head."

"I feel the same way about you," Merlin made a flourishing bow in Arthur's direction.

When the two finally stopped laughing Arthur reached for Merlin's forearm and embraced. "I will go to Gwen now before I have to return to Avalon but I wanted to make sure you know that I have no regrets and I am very grateful for what you did for me, Merlin."

"You know, everything I did started out as actions I preformed because of my destiny but then later my destiny was only the foundation. I wanted to protect you because I believed in you. I still believe in you."

"And that is why you will be the greatest friend that I ever had." Arthur dropped his hand and stepped back. "This isn't goodbye, Merlin. Our story is only the beginning. We will meet again in the years to come."

"I look forward to it."

Merlin watched with cloudy vision as Arthur began to fade away.

When there was nothing in Arthur's place but air Merlin began to walk back to his friends. But again, he heard Arthur's voice in the air beside him.

"I nearly forgot to tell you that Freya says hello and that she's is waiting for you. Goodbye for now, Merlin, my friend."

And that was it. The was the last time Merlin would see Arthur for many years.

Back in Camelot a large pyre was made for Morgana and she was burned almost immediately after their arrival. Aithusa stood beside Merlin but he did not wail as he did before. He simply sat and watched his old master burn.

Gwen stood on the other side of Merlin holding his hand. She told him Arthur had visited her and that she was going to decree that magic would no longer be outlawed. It was a new beginning for the people of Camelot. Through the ashes Merlin could see a new dawn rising.

The people emerged from their homes and stood silently as they witnessed their long-time tormentor begin burned. No one made a sound but in every person's eyes were the flames that would eventually help the forest to grow again.

This is what it had all come down to but the story would not end here. Like Arthur had said in the forest, the story was just beginning.


End file.
